Personal Development

Personal Development – How to get the life you want.

April 7, 2019
personal-development
Warning. Life changing content with some strong language. Please don’t offend yourself.

Personal development in your career and personal life can change everything. You can move from a life where everything seems to be falling on top of you to a place where you are the ruler of your life. Put your kitchen gloves on and get ready to do a little life spring clean and reorganization.

How can personal development lead to a successful life?

Think about life as water. Having a body of water that doesn’t move or flow becomes stagnant. Stagnant waters allow all sorts of nasty things to grow and thrive. On the other hand, a body of water that is moving and flowing is fresh. It’s drinkable. It’s clear. It’s forceful.

In my experience, personal development has some negative connotations to it. Which if you really think about is pretty weird. Here are people who are taking shit into their own hands but are viewed as weak? Tony Robbins, a self-help guru and master has a point he constantly reiterates – Self-responsibility.

Self-responsibility

What happens to you as a child or even an adult is out of your hands, but what you do with it is completely in your hands. You have the power to use it to thrive or allow it to take you down.

There is some serious magic in this. You can face up to your life and take matters into your own hands. Life changes. You make decisions FOR you. You make life happen FOR you. No more victimhood crap. You take your basket of shit that you have been dealt, you sort through it all and make the most epic life pie from what you have.

I know I know. but what about these or those people who have endured this or that. I have empathy and compassion for all that suffer. And everyone suffers. Buddhist philosophy based on the 4 Noble Truths is that life will inevitably contain suffering in some form or another for every person.

Some people have had it better and some worse. But the biggest lesson to take is that whatever happens to you, as a child or later on, is now your responsibility to deal with. You were abused and of course, that’s not cool. You were dealt with some shit cards but it is now your responsibility to live a life in spite of someone else’s actions. You were poor and had nothing. What are you going to do with that basket NOW?

We live in a society where our life circumstances are glorified to be used as badges to support victimhood. The rise in depression can be lowered if we teach kids the value of transforming negative experiences into strengths. There are thousands of real-world examples of people who have faced massive trials and tribulations.

Some cases in point – Oprah. Tim Ferris. Tony Robbins. JK Rowling. Stephen King. Jim Carrey. Tyler Perry. Bethany Hamilton. Charlize Theron. Leighton Meester. Eminem. Terrence Howard. The list of people that overcame some serious hardships is endless.

Instead of letting their experiences dictate and define them, they used it as a force to succeed. They accepted no less than their circumstances. Success was their only option. This mindset is available to everyone. The difference is how badly you want to transcend your experience or use it to justify not going for your dreams.

Personal development in the career context.

Are you in a job that you enjoy but not getting where you want to be? Or do you hate your job but see no way out?

Personal development tackles them both. Personal development in your career comes down to a beautiful concept. Skills development. To get ahead of others you need to offer more value. You need to have something that they don’t have that your employer sees and values.

You need a plan of action.

First, identify what skills you have and identify what skills you need to acquire. Bosses love initiative. Go to your manager or boss and show up. Ask them if they would please take some time to offer a report on their efforts at work. Ask them to identify key weak spots and key strengths. Then ask them to highlight any skills that they think are lacking in the department or company that you could possibly take on.

OK cool, easier said than done for sure. But people, you will never rise up if you are not willing to burn! Push yourself. Face your weakest points. Face them square in the eye and tell them what’s about to happen. Facing your faults is scary as fuck but liberating. I recently watched a video about a woman who lost a lot of money. Instead of hiding away she told everyone. Wear your faults on your sleeve. People can’t use against you what empowers you.

After your manager’s assessment its time to assess your current life pattern. What are things that take a lot of your time but offer nothing in return? I totally identify with life and familial responsibilities. As a go-getter power women myself, I like to get shit done. I take it all on because I am fierce and powerful. However let me say this, the day I started to allow Andy to take on more responsibility in our relationship and house was the day I had a weight lifted off.

A few months to dedicate to growth and development for a better life is worth hiring a cleaning lady or asking your mother in law for help. Asking for help is not weakness. Its showing vulnerability, a charcter trait far stronger than pride.

To succeed at work or in your personal life. You need to make an effort. Its the simple law of cause and effect. If you put time and effort in, results will appear.

So far you have looked at your weakness at work. You have revelled in your strengths and built on them. You have reorganized life at home to support your skills development and on your way to a better career and a better life.

If you want to change careers it’s just about the same process but you need to grow a bigger pair and face a bit more fear and uncertainty. But. The biggest but ever. The rewards are amazing.

So same same but different process. Create a clearly defined goal of where you want to be. Contact these professionals in that field and ask them what skills you need to be a part of that industry. Immerse yourself. Use social media in a useful way and direct all your feeds to the industry you want to be in. YouTube is fucking amazing to learn. I watch/listen to videos when I’m busy doing stuff but can still lend an ear. Driving, cooking, bathing, grooming, drawing, walking, running… you get the picture.

So you on the way. But you still hate your job that you need to stick to for financial support. But do you need to hate it? I can almost guarantee you, by taking action for yourself, that you will start to feel happier.

So not only do you feel happier but you can also see your current job as a way to support your dreams. I work 3 different jobs to keep afloat. I love and appreciate them all as they serve my bigger goals, my basic metric of joy in life is to live on my own terms. I may not love every job but overall it offers success in a bigger goal. Change your perspective and watch miracles happen.

So if you are in an industry you love or hate, skills development can take you where you need to be. It won’t be easy. It won’t be quick. You will need to adjust yourself. Face fear. Work on weekends and say no to social events. You will have to have difficult conversations with family, friends and bosses. YOU WILL HAVE TO CHANGE.

Change is the only constant in life. When you make conscious changes get ready because life is going to become a whole lot more awesome!

But there is one potential challenge. You.

I don’t think personal development ever ends. The by-product of our duality of inner self and ego means we will always have inner battles. But it gets easier. Thank God. There were times I wanted to give up but it’s getting easier and I am getting wiser. Rather, I’m getting better at saying Fuck you to that part of myself that makes life shit. Thanks, Mark Mason – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

So why does personal development in the context of the inner world matter to succeed elsewhere? Because if you don’t personally have your shit together how could you sustain a career that you love?

Life is an interplay of many factors. They all bleed into one another. There is a limiting belief fed to us from birth that you can not have it all. Want to be a millionaire, well then sacrifice your family. Want to have a family? Sacrifice your rocking body.

It’s actually laughable. We are told we can be anything we want but also that we can’t have it all. We can be an astronaut but you can’t have a great career, a great family life, a loving partnership, rock being a parent, have your finances sorted, have balanced emotions, promote a solid character and also have a quality of life that’s great.

Well, I call bullshit. In my opinion, the problem lies in basic reason, rationality and logic. We set goals and life visions that are totally out of the ballpark for us. We set out for these goals that are so far out and when we don’t achieve it we feel like shit. But were those goals within our reach or simply just too big? We are allowed to dream but we still need to keep shit relatively real. Those that completely smash barriers work harder than most of us want to. Thats the difference. I could be an olympic gymnast but I dont want to be in a gym for 12 hours a day.

Life is all about that sweet spot. Set out for a career and life vision that challenges you but is still within reason. You can be a dreamer and a realist.

Personal development as Inner development.

What are your goals? Defining your life vision is essential. To make it clear how essential it is, its fucking essentail! How do you know where to go if you haven’t decided where it is you actually want to go to?

The best thing you could ever do for yourself is to decide what you want from life. Take the time to clearly define your life vision. Create short and long terms goals to achieve it. Wtih a clear plan in place, coupled with self discipline and perseverence, success is inevitable

Let’s break your life vision down.

  1. character and emotions
  2. family and love relationships
  3. health and fitness
  4. Spitual and connectedness
  5. career and finances
  6. expereinces and quality of life
  7. overall life vision.

Take an afternoon (or a month) and really hone in on what you want out of life in each of these categories. Create big end goals. Use pictures and power words to rouse up strong emotional connections. Words, visualizations and emotions are the trifectas for succeeding.

One total life vision. 3-5 year goals. Yearly goals. Quaterly goals. Monthly goals. Weekly goals. Daily habits.

This ultimately boils down to how you spend your days. Please, note the word “spend”. You have a finite life on this planet. How you spend your life currency is up to you.

The day to day habits and decisions you make aggregate to create your whole life experience.

Look at your life vision and all that you want to achieve, experience and be. Orient your days towards it. Cut out all the other frivolous bullshit that takes more than gives. Binge drinking every Saturday night definitely takes more than gives. Social media wars and endless hours of scrolling definitely takes more than it gives. Oh my god watching TV every night for hours takes everything from you. I’m not saying don’t do these things ever again but slot them in as little pleasures than definitives of your day. Spend your time on things that make you progress.

Personal Development for the life and persona you want is tough as fuck.

Challenges of Personal Development

Fear. She is that aspect of ourselves that will either crush us or propel us. I also want to mention her close friends, they are just as important to befriend as fear herself because if you don’t, she will send them to break you down.

You see, there is a part of ourselves that doesn’t want us to succeed. It doesn’t want us to reach our goals, our dreams and desires, because doing so means that that part will no longer exist. It will no longer be in the driver’s seat. So, she’s going to try to crush you to keep her reign.

Self-doubt. Self-sabotage. Resistance.

These guys will be by your side until the very end. Its what you choose to do with these voices that will determine your success in life. I had a profound shift watching Alex Banayan in an interview. He went on a massive mission to understand what makes successful people successful. He asked one guy how he was so fearless. He said he actually faced fear daily in his career. The biggest difference, hold onto your seat folks, is to act in spite of fear. In spite of self-doubt. To recognize when you are self-sabotaging your efforts and success. Courage in the face of fear.

Self-doubt, sabotage, resistance and fear are just a voice. They are not you. They are not right. They are to an extent a part of self-preservation. You have the choice to act over them.

I like what Marie Forleo has to say on the subject – Everything is figureoutable. No matter what, no matter what failures you experience. Keep going. You can do it. You will be ok. You will succeed. Good ol positive thinking and choosing to use these “setbacks” as “set forwards” is a way to always be moving forward.

A way to overcome these feelings is to actually just feel them. Sometimes I just sit back in bed and imagine failing. I imgaine people criticising me, feel my self-doubt. I face up to them. They shrink back and surrender me as their leader and driver.

Feed your mind

Modernity is kick ass. It has opened an age of freedom that the aeons before us didn’t experience. Most of don’t have to be too concerned about our next meal. We can wear what we want and choose what we want. The sad thing is we choose to fill our minds with absolute crap.

We have moved from a time of survival to freedom. We now have the freedom to explore our inner selves. Yet most peoples days are unconscious. Brief moments of inner reflection quickly replaced by the life of busy is best.

Your mind is incredible. Revel in its beauty. Whatever you think, do and feel, it processes and gives it back to you. It shows you that which you focus on.

What do you focus on?

Our minds literally show us what we think, do and feel. It will present to our eyes all of that. So if your mind is fed ideas of lack, feeling unworthy and of failure. We will experience that. 100% no doubt. What you feed your mind you will experience.

Feed your mind concepts growth. Feed your mind worth. Feed your heart love and support. Feed your mind presence in day to day tasks. Feed your body good food and movement.

Watch your mind start to present you just that. Neauroplastocity is legit. Focus on what you want. Do what you want. Feel what you want. Your brain will start to rewire itself to bring you more. Life will start to unfold in your favour.

Personal Development is a long journey.

It asks you to honestly assess yourself. To take responsibly for your shortcomings and build on your strengths. It askes you to take action and work hard. It’s not an easy road. But is being unhappy and unfulfilled any easier?

The life you want is there waiting for you to get off the sofa and get to it. Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the process. Be present. Take it slow.

Personal success as defined by your life vision = assessment + adjustment X self responsibility + commitment.

Head over to my resources page for some amazing personal development literature.

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