I have recently become acutely aware of the decisions I make in life. Not in terms of what bank I use or where I go to eat or do my grocery shopping. I am talking about those decisions that affect the overall outcome and experience of my life. I have become aware that my decisions and mine alone are the force of my life experience. HAve you thought about where you want to be and what you want to experience?
Do you know what you want?
If you ask anyone right now, what is it that they want out of their life, I don’t think many people could give you a clear answer beyond the society fed dream of a home, car and family.
What do you want out of your relationships? And health and fitness? What do you envision your life to have been lived once you no longer have the physical freedom to live it how you want?
To become successful, you should know what you want. In terms of everything. Your health and fitness. Your spiritual connection and intellectual ability. Know what types of character traits you want to develop and those you want to get rid of. What do you want from your job? And money, what does it really mean to you and once you have it, what will you do with it?
Take time now to use your future time wisely.
I have spent the last 8 months looking at my life and what I want. Where I want to be. What do I want emotionally? Spiritually? Intellectually? Financially? What do I choose to define as my own life quality?
We are not taught in school to think about these things. At all. Well no, let me correct myself. We are taught only to focus on making money and all the other factors around that dissipate into the ether.
But what if we took the time now to think about all aspects of life? What if we did define each and every detail of life. A plan so clear that we could look at it with the utmost clarity. A plan so clear that every decision we made was influenced by our plan.
How would this life plan, this life vision affect your day to day decisions?
What do you choose?
It’s easy to complain, to bitch about the things that are not working in your favour. It’s easy to feel sad and even easier to fall into a depressed state for the things you don’t have in life, especially when you are comparing to peers or even worse, social media.
But the life you have NOW is the result of the decisions you have already made. Past decisions made unconsciously. What if you started to choose consciously?
Please don’t get all “what about the people on the streets or the kids in poverty” reaction. Of course, they didn’t choose to be there in the first place nor do they have many choices as kids. But as adults, we have all the choice of how and where we move forward to. As an adult, its all within your power to change your life. You may not be able to change certain situations but you can certainly change your perspective. Adjust your mindset.
Perspective. It the difference between two guys experience with the same life and same job. But one guy actively chooses to be grateful for the fact that he actually has a job and being the best at it. The other guy resenting others more fortunate and resorting to negativity and feelings of lack.
The guy who chooses to feel grateful and be the best self he can be is more likely to be open to new opportunities and positive experiences than his counterpart. We all have a choice as t how we perceive a situation and choose to take action.
I will give you an example. I went to a car wash recently and its a pretty swanky car wash. The service is fantastic and because of this, the car wash services some pretty high-end cars. Now, the guy that signs in the cars in has a choice. He can either resent those that come with their nice cars and financial abundance or, he can choose to be the best worker at that establishment.
What does he choose?. When I go there, his smile is infectious. His professionalism is impressive. I will never forget his name or his amazing way of handling customers. He could have chosen to see his life in lack but sees all that he does have and excels.
With this attitude he is much more likely to perceive opportunities that come his way. His ability to feel grateful and positive will touch those that he meets. Who knows, maybe he reaches a man of abundance who then decides to take this guy, his great attitude and work ethic to a work position much higher than he is in now. That stuff really happens. But not to people who are stuck in the negative. Not to people who choose to see the bad and indulge their lack.
Change your perspective
I find talking with people, that, their biggest obstacle to achieving what they want to in life is because they can’t seem to let go of old ways and habits.
Everyone wants better lives but when it comes to the crunch, they can’t seem to make the choice towards what they really want. But if you look at these choices from a different angle, they become a lot easier to make.
You are not losing anything. You are choosing a bigger, better path for yourself.
Perspective in life is everything. It can make or break your overall experience. You can plan your shit out to the T but if you are not willing to change your perspective and even more, yourself, then success will always be a distant marker.
Instead of feeling like you are losing something, you are choosing to take a step that you know is towards your goals and therefore success. Change is the only constant in life and once you fully embrace that, making decisions for yourself become as easy as pie.
Persistence is key: None of this is easy. It also doesn’t happen over night. Getting to a place where you are in control of your thoughts takes a lot of practice. Having a positive disposition does not come naturally to everyone and if it doesn’t, it takes work. Everything in life takes work. Its about not giving up.
When people tell me they don’t have a choice I really just want to slap them in the face and tell them to wake the fuck up. You ALWAYS have a choice about how you act and respond to any given situation.
There are countless examples of people who were handed the worst of situations and ended up achieving more than they could ever have imagined. Tony Robbins, a big inspiration (and big guy) was homeless at a point in his life and is now one of the most influential people in the world.
He will also be the first to tell you changing your life is about taking responsibility for your shit. Make the choices that need to be made, stick with them and life will start to work on your favour.
So what am I saying?
Make a decision that you want to change your life.
Identify key areas of life you feel unfulfilled: Emotions, intellect, finances, spirituality (connection), family, friends and partner relationships, career, health and fitness.
Identify and condense key areas into a complete life vision – think Oprah’s vision board (for those that call bullshit, some of the most successful people used some form or another of a vision board).
Condense your life vision and key areas into spans of time. – 10 years, 5 years, 3 years and 1 year are good.
Go further – Condense your vision into goals for the next year split into quarters. What milestones do you want to reach by each quarter?
And here lies the BIGGEST SECRET OF ALL TIME.
Condense your life vision all the way down into daily habits.
Daily habits are what create our lives.
Every goal requires small daily movements. These aggregate over time to fulfil your life vision. Don’t underestimate the power of small steps every day.
This could be drinking more water. Making sure you do some form of exercise each day. Read for 45 minutes each day on content that increases your knowledge on a certain field. Meditate to reduce stress.
Do the things that are in line with your goals. And when faced with a crossroads of do it or. Remember, its the daily habits that build up and complete shorter goals and in turn complete larger ones.
Allow good things
One of the biggest challenges for me was actually allowing good things to come to me. I struggled to allow success and financial freedom to come into my life because I had seen some of the worst poverty in the world and here I was with so much abundance. I struggled (and still do) to consolidate my abundance when in full knowledge of others suffering. Since I have identified my internal conflict, when I receive abundance, I always pay myself first, save cover costs and make a point to share it. When I share my abundance, I feel happy to receive more.
Another great inspiration to me is Marisa peer, a psychologist in the UK who is on a mission to help people who are stuck in whatever aspect of life. Her idea is simple. Because of past childhood traumas, which can be big or pretty small, shape our belief of how worthy we feel.
And this belief of self worth or lack thereof is the deal breaker for a good life.
Say you decide to take responsibility for your life right now. You work on your life vision and daily habits. Good stuff! Then there it is, the job offer you have been dreaming of. The body you have been wanting is finally coming into shape. The family space you always imagined.
And then you fuck it up. Royally so. Why? because perhaps deep down you never really felt worth those things you really wanted. You never felt enough to be that go-to person in your field. You never felt enough to have that killer body that turned heads. Deep down you didn’t believe you were enough to have a beautiful happy family.
Well, like Marisa would say, and I wholeheartedly agree. You are enough. Every single human is worth having joy, love and happiness. Everyone.
Side note: We are all worth reaching our goals and dreams, but never to the detriment of others. That is a tainted success. Tainted joy. It will never be yours when you had to make others suffer for it. Conscious loving growth and expansion are what we are aiming for.
Never give up
This is my heart on paper or the virtual version of it. I am human and on my journey to finding space on this planet. I have applied everything I have spoken about and made leaps and bounds in my life. But that’s not to say I have bad days. I also struggle with habits and addictions just like everyone else and I feel fear for my future and also long for things that seem so far from my reach. I am not perfect. So far from it.
But that’s the absolute and massive joy of it all. When people say it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey, they are so right.
Life is about evolving. Moving. Changing and growing. Ebbs and flows. Ups and downs.
We ALL go through it and I really feel that if we saw our failures (inner and outer) as a part of the successes and the dips as a way to get better, we would all feel a lot better about ourselves and life.
Never give up. Keep going. No fuck up is big enough to get back from. It doesn’t matter what other people say or think about you. They have a limited understanding of your life and what’s gone down. Just like you are limited to know theirs. Instead, be of support for those around you and people will offer it in kind.
And if they don’t, that’s cool too. Because at the very end of the day, the last breathe you ever take, it will only be you. It starts with you and ends with you and what you do in between is for you. Make the choices to live a life that makes you want to scream it from the tops of the mountains. Because you can. And you are worth that.